~Dreamers Like Me~

My Favorite One Year Old

2007-06-03T20:06:00.001-04:00

So far, my favorite responses when we tell people we're expecting again:
"Already?"
"Did you tell your husband to leave you alone?"
To that, I say bite me.

Yesterday was Bella's first birthday party, and we were both sick. :( I had a fever of 101/102 and Bella had a fever of 103. So, after the party, it was off to the urgent care. She has ear infections and I have pharyngitis. A round of antibiotics for both, and long night with the doctor, and it's Sunday already!
Happy birthday princess!! (The party did rock though, I have to say, we'll just have to relive it from the video!)

Deja Vu

2007-05-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

Just like before, I'm on the hormone progesterone to sustain the pregnancy, just like before I've had early bleeding, not light either, Just like before, I have all these crazy problems, and have already had two ultrasounds in the first 8 weeks, when most women don't get two during their entire pregnancy.

BUT, I'm going to be a mom again. Due date: January 2, 2008.

I'm a lot sicker than I was with Bella, which I hope is a sign it's a boy. As much as I just want a healthy baby, I have to say having a boy to go with my girl would just be so awesome.

Getting ready for Isabella's birthday party next weekend. The prep work is killing me, and here I thought I was just going to do a small get together. Not possible when you have about 50 people coming. Everything I read advises against having that many people, but it's all family. Who do you not invite from your family? Without creating drama that is.

Hope the weather is nice because there is no freakin way I'm fitting 50 people in my 1200 square foot house...

Happy Memorial Day!!

Oh boy, another bundle of joy!!!

2007-04-25T23:11:00.000-04:00

So when I got pregnant with Isabella I found a lump in my right breast and went to the doctor to have it checked out. The doctor thought it was fine and I went on my merry way.

Well the lump recently became more prominent and was hurting. I went back to the doc and he said this time we should do a mammogram to be safe, although he said breast cancer is typically a harder lump than the one I have. So I had the mammogram. (unshielded, although I was a week late, I took a test the day before that was negative) That was last Monday. This Monday I still had not begun my period and I took another test. Negative. I started to throw the test away and then looked again, there was that second line, just barely there. I knew in my heart that I was pregnant and promptly began a freakout session because I had my mamm without a shield on for the radiation exposure. So when I called my doc to make an appt, I got the results of my mammogram: I'm pregnant. Oh yeah, and the mamm looked normal, although I will have to followup with a specialist to be sure. And the pain, well, any mom knows the joy of breast pain while pregnant.

So, here we go again! For someone who thought they would never be a Mommy, this is truly a blessing!! I just pray this pregnancy goes smoother...

:)

Discount Rates

2007-02-27T11:18:00.000-05:00

I think our local hospital needs to be giving us discount rates since we are there every month, sometimes more!

January- Bella is there to have a cat scan because she's throwing up after falling back from a sitting position. Turns out, she just doesn't like oatmeal.

End of January- Aaron is there, he has lost feeling in some of his extremities and we made sure he wasn't having a heart attack or stroke because it is so prevalant in his family.

February-Yesterday to be exact, I am there because I think I am dying from the pain I have. It was worse than childbirth and I think I'm going to climb the walls. What was going on? Kidney stones.

See, maybe I can write our local congressman and have him enact a law for my family to receive a discount at all local hospitals. While he's at it, I'll have him write in a break for us too. Man do we need one.

New pic of Bella:

Houston, we have teeth!

2007-02-05T19:59:00.000-05:00

She didn't sleep from 7am until 2pm on Saturday. She never goes that long without a nap. Ever. Now I know why. Aaron and I went to the movies yesterday and saw "Catch and Release". On the way, my mom called and yelled, "She's got teethers!" Unfreakinbelievable. I have missed every "first" so far. I was out of town for work when she rolled over and now I missed finding her first teeth. Yes, not just one, she popped both bottom teeth up at the same time. And decides she'll let grandma see them first.

Ok, don't make fun, but I cried a little that my girl is growing so fast. Aaron told me to shut it.

Happy Monday!

The neverending cold

2007-01-30T21:08:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or is everyone getting one cold after another this season? I can't keep Bella or myself healthy. I guess it's boosting her immune system though, because God knows I didn't give her a good one. If I look at someone with a cold I have it.

I think I've been working like crazy though, six days a week and that's why I have one. I hope I shake it in the next couple of days though, because we are going to visit a few daycare centers this week and see what they're all about. I just don't think it's working where she's at right now. It is a home daycare and there is no curriculum, no weekly reports on how she's doing, or anything to stimulate her mind at all. Don't get me wrong, the price is great, but I'd rather get a second job and pay more where I know she's learning as well.

So we'll take a tour sometime later this week and if all goes well, we'll try a day there for free since they offer it, and get her signed up by mid February. Wish me luck.

It's good to be back to blogging, even if I'm still only up to one post a week. I'm trying, but before I know it, a week goes by and I've only posted once. Baby steps. :)

Tomorrow we go see a neurologist for Aaron. Since I've known him he's always had problems with circulation in his body. For instance, when we go to the movies, he always has to keep stretching out his legs or they fall asleep on him. Or when he's driving or reclining on the couch, they go to sleep if he doesn't move them. A few weeks ago we went to the movies and half of his left hand fell asleep. Then he said his cheeks were feeling numb. Because members of his family have had open heart surgery and strokes, we thought we better take a trip to the hospital (way after hours) to be sure something serious wasn't going on because this was going on 5 hours that his hand was numb. They told him he wasn't having a stroke or a heart attack, but he should definitely follow up with a neurologist. So, that's tomorrow afternoon.

You should know by now our month isn't complete without a trip to the hospital!

Here's a recent picture of Bella, since they're so easy to post now!

Siesta

2007-01-14T11:51:00.000-05:00

So, I was gone for a while huh? Who knew there wouldn't be so much time for blogging with a new baby? I certainly found that out though. I wanted to give a quick update at least for anyone who may check in the next few days. We are doing well, it seems daycare germs are always present and keeping Bella sick with one thing or another, but we are finally starting to adjust to life with a baby. I know, it only took 7 months!!

I hope everyone is well, just because I haven't been around, doesn't mean I haven't thought about ALL of you. Especially all of you new moms who have stayed right by my side. I know one in particular tried to email me a while ago and because she showed up anonymously, the message I typed was returned and I never got the time to look up her blog and get her email address. You know who you are and I'm sorry.

But, the one thing I think no one will blame me for is taking a break to have more time with my daughter. It's amazing how fast she is growing, we believe she will be walking within the next month. She's not crawling, she hates being on her stomach, but loves to stand and has great balance. Soon I'll be putting up that post.

We finally have high speed internet now so I'll be more inclined to post knowing it won't take so long to upload.

Hope all is well and everyone had a happy new year!!

Here's our Christmas photo:

WHERE WE'VE BEEN

2006-08-08T16:06:00.000-04:00

I would have loved to update everyone on how hard it was to go back to work
after having 6 weeks of Bella to myself, however, God had a different plan.
Last Monday night was the beginning of a 5 day nightmare for us. I got home
from work to find that Bella hadn't slept much that day. So I fed her a
bottle and she went right to sleep. A couple hours later, still sleeping, I
decided to check her temp because this just wasn't like her. She had a mild
temp and I just thought I'd keep an eye on it. She slept very well that
night, however, in the morning, she was burning up. She certainly felt
hotter than the 101 temp she was running. And the poor thing was just
moaning and groaning non-stop. My baby was sick.

Aaron took her in to the pediatrician while I went to work, thinking this
was not going to be a big deal. I get a call from Aaron saying the doc
thought she looked fine outwardly, but was sending her to the hospital to
get some more intense testing done to rule out anything major. Fine. Still
not worried. UNTIL I got a hold of Aaron 5 hours later who said that Bella
was being admitted to the hospital because they found bacteria in her
urine. So the temp of my body rose a bit as I left work and headed to the
hospital.

When I get there, I am updated by my dad and Aaron that it took 6 tries for
the hospital to the IV in Bella. They weren't gentle about it and the whole
process was horrifying to watch, say two grown men. I'm told I should be
very glad I missed all of that. However, I did get there just in time for
them to do the spinal tap. The doctor was updating Aaron and I and I
immediately thought this doctor was a quack. (NOT our pediatrician, the
hospital's resident doc) I immediately call his credentials into question
and proceed to very seriously ask the nurse if he is capable of performing
spinal taps. I knew better than to watch this being done so I positioned
myself where I could see my baby, but not see the procedure. Big mistake.
Once Bella looked up from the table into my eyes and bawled as if asking
"Mommy, why are you just standing there while they do this to me?" I lost
it. I didn't mean to, I wanted to be strong, but emotion overcame me and I
was led out by a nurse as I hyperventilated.

We were told in 48 hours that we would know what kind of bacteria she had.
In the meantime, they were treating with a couple antibiotics to knock out
anything and everything since we didn't know what we were dealing with. 48
hours came and when another doctor on staff come in to tell us the news, I
told her it had better be good, jokingly. She said it wasn't. I sat down.

She said the bacteria was growing in chains and the urine sample was mistakenly never sent in. Great. They needed to retake the samples. I wanted to puke.

Aaron tagged along for that round.

But, the good news was that they could rule out meningitis and Bella should
have no lasting effects from all of this. We just hoped the bacteria hadn't
spread enough to affect her brain. But we were looking at a 10-14 day
hospital stay at the soonest. And then we were whisked away to have an
ultrasound of the bladder and kidneys.

Another 48 hours, hospital food, and uncomfortable chairs later, my mom had
stayed the night at the hospital so we could go home and get some sleep.
Then we get a call in the early morning that Bella was crying for the past
3 hours and couldn't be consoled for anything. We were already on our way
up there so we quickened our step. I take Bella from my mom and she
mentions that maybe her IV tape became too tight. I squeeze her arm to
check, like I had seen the nurse do a couple times since we had been there.
Rather, I squeezed what felt like that hardest rock in the world. I scream
for Aaron to go get the nurse. Now. I had had this happen to me before, but
I knew what had happened and called the doctor. Bella's IV had backed out
of her vein and was dripping into her arm. For 3 hours.

The nurse takes out her IV and Aaron is asking why nobody came in to check
why a baby had been screaming for the past 3 hours or to check on her at
all, even though my mom was there. She explained that there was a shift
change, and I explained that I wanted to kick her ass.

She doesn't put another IV in because they received the results back from the lab and Bella can go home today. Amazing, we were looking at a 10-14 day hospital stay minimum that suddenly reduced itself to 5. We look at each other and wonder what's up. When the doctor comes in later she tells us that the very first sample they had taken down in the ER was contaminated. They had taken a bad sample and had possible touched the sample or tainted it in another way. Bella only had a urinary tract
infection that could have been treated at home with oral antibiotics. Half
of what we went through was for nothing. Nothing at all. And although it was explained to me that if it WAS something, it was good to treat it aggressively and fast because she is so young and hadn't even had her two month shots yet. (she was supposed to get them at her 2 month checkup the
day after she was admitted.) But I am always fearful that babies are given
antibiotics way too often and could possibly develop immunities to them.
Here we were at 9 weeks giving her a big dose of them.

But on Saturday I got to bring my baby home, again, on an antibiotic for 10
days.

And yesterday afternoon was her 2 months checkup and shots. I didn't know
she could get those shots being on an antibiotic, but they gave them to her
anyway. And she cried, and cried. I didn't, because I knew this was pie
compared to the hospital.

So now, my baby is home, not sleeping because she is so doped up I suppose,
and the only thing she wants to do is be held. So she is.

Someone had the nerve today to tell me she's going to get too used to being
held, and to lay her down to cry it out.

I don't think they will be talking to me again anytime soon.

The sad truth

2006-07-27T15:15:00.000-04:00

3 more full days with my baby girl. 3 more days. A quick flash in time when I think of how long it took me to conceive her, grow her, birth her, and get to know her these past almost 8 weeks. Unbelievable.

Tomorrow she will be 8 weeks old. 2 whole months old. I never, EVER considered being a stay at home mom. It just wasn't me. I know myself and I need to work. Maybe not at a place where I'm constantly swamped all the time, but working nonetheless. But lately, I swear, if we could afford it, I'd stay home with Bella everyday. I love the changes she's making and watching her grow. I get to stimulate her mind by introducing new toys to her, playing busy bee, showing her colorful books, and so on. I'm her mom and I get to do that for her. I'm showing her these things for the first time and it is so special to me.

I didn't really know how this would affect me but everytime I think about Monday morning, I start to cry. This is going to be something horrible to go through.

Last Saturday for the first time, Bella looked at me and knew who I was. She found my eyes and smiled so big and tried to laugh. That has been the best moment in my life so far, for the first time she knew I was Mom. I'm so afraid that as long as it took for us to bond, in the same amount of time she'll forget me. Afraid isn't the word, utterly terrified is more like it. Someone emailed me recently asking if I was going back to work full time; I am. That means I'll have exactly 3 hours with her every night I come home to be with her. That is, if I don't cook dinner, shower, or do anything for myself. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

I hear her stirring now from her nap, I'm going to go snuggle my little princess as long as I can.

Woah.

2006-07-18T15:26:00.000-04:00

Where does the time go? Bella is nearing 7 wks old and I wish I could show all of you how much she has changed since her birth. But, old computers suck and all that.

She is filling out and moving all around these days. She's finally figuring out that her hands are part of her body and not just foreign objects that claw her face and grab her ears randomly.

She has started smiling now and that toothless grin is something that melts my heart every time. I can't wait for those belly laughs to start rolling in.

The other day I broke my own heart by clipping Bella's finger when I was trimming her fingernails. I didn't know it until I was giving her a bottle later that day and touched her finger and she jumped and whimpered. Bad Mommy. :( I felt so bad, Aaron had to convince me that it probably happens to a lot of new moms. Still, when you hurt your own child, the hurt in your heart is incredible.

I can't believe it, but for me it feels like summer is almost over. Basically because I have to go back to work so soon. It has been a long break for me though and I'm starting to get cabin fever and am SOMEWHAT looking forward to going back now. Not that I'm not busy enough at home, but I would like to get back into the swing of things at work.

13 days and counting. Any moms have tips for coping? Leave a comment or email me.

Have a great week!

21 (One Month)

2006-07-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

21- The age in which you can drink legally.
21- The number of minutes I've had to myself today.
21- The number of days before I have to go back to work!!

I knew once July came, I'd have to start counting down the days, but I wish they didn't have to go so fast. Full days with you, my precious daughter, are coming to an end and it is going to be a rough couple of weeks as July 31 nears.

You will be 5 weeks old tonight at 11:34pm. 5 weeks. 5 weeks ago I was on my way to bringing a life into the world. Someone to mold and shape to be the best person she can be. I only hope I'm doing everything I can to ensure you become a happy, well-rounded child and adult. Everyday I ask myself if I'm doing enough for you. Am I playing with you enough and stimulating your brain enough? Are you eating enough? Are you being held too much? Given my track record for worrying, these things are par for the way I live. I just pray that I will cherish every moment I have with you. When we tickle you, you begin stop squirming and pay attention to us, any day you'll laugh now. You can follow objects through the air and are thoroughly entertained by shadows. You can hold your own pacifier in, when you want it, and grab it and throw it when you don't. You are becoming so strong, and can hold your head up for at least a minute at a time. Mom and Dad are so proud of you.

Wednesday was your one month appointment and you had a growth spurt! You now weigh 9 lbs. and are 21 inches long. You jumped from the 10th percentile to the 50th. while this made me very happy in one sense, on the other hand my heart ached and wished you would stay little forever. You need me. You need me when you're most upset because no one else can soothe you like I can, when a bottle from Dad just won't do, when you just want to nurse for a few minutes for comfort, when only mom will do...

If there was a way to make time stop I would do it in a heartbeat.I know months will start passing much faster and before we know it, I'll be holding your hand, walking you into your preschool class.

Never stop needing me Bella.

Love,
Mommy

Learned

2006-06-20T18:44:00.000-04:00

Valuable lessons my daughter has taught me thusfar:

1. When I think her diaper is filled completly, it isn't.
2. When you're angry, the best thing to do is grab your ears and claw at your face.
3. Even baby girls can shoot pee towards the sky.
4. A baby's grip can be the strongest force in the world. She won't let go, and you don't want her to.
5. Don't ever say, "wow, I can't believe she hasn't woken up yet." Those words are like a curse.

In her 17 days of exsistence, these are just some of the things she has taught me. It's amazing how much you think you know and then find out you were completely wrong or didn't know at all.

Bella had her 2 week checkup yesterday and she is a now confirmed peanut. She weighs 7 lbs. 6 oz. and is 19.75 inches long. This puts her in the 10th percentile for height and weight.

Great. She totally looks like her Dad, and the only thing she gets from me is being a peanut. Poor kid.

We are becoming braver and have now started taking her public places for short periods of time, (a trip to the grocery store here, dinner out there, etc.) But is it too soon, how soon is too soon for babies to be exposed to public places and all the germs that are out there?

Sugar, Spice, and everything sleep deprived...

2006-06-16T15:36:00.000-04:00

Quickly learning that sleep deprivation all but makes you crazy. Bella will be 2 weeks old tonight at 11:33pm and I still haven't gotten used to her nights being her days. No wonder I never took a job working 3rd shift. I wish I could find her cpu unit and change that technical error.

Other than that part, we are enjoying our baby girl and loving every minute with her. She already looks different than when we brought her home. I have no idea how this is possible. The things you don't want to grow though, always do.

She did give us a scare last week and we had to be readmitted into the hospital for her jaundice. Her bilirubin levels were climbing everyday and we had to take her back in for some light therapy. I know jaundice is a pretty typical thing, I just never knew of anyone having to be readmitted because of it. Usually a little time spent in a sunny window takes care of the problem. This just goes to show, my daughter will not be satisfied unless she turns my hair gray by the time I'm 30. She's got a great head start.

Another way she shows her mom love is by choking. Yes, great big gulps of air that she sucks in and makes her eyes bug out of her head do the trick to get mommy hopping everytime. I swear, every time I hear that special gasp/squeak come from her throat, it just warms my heart. More like attacks it and stomps up and down on it. I need to have a talk with her and let her know there are other ways to get mommy to pick her up.

In the meantime, if any of you new moms have found that special switch that turns baby's clocks ahead 12 hours, I'm all ears.

Have a wonderful weekend, I'll be spending it keeping Bella entertained during an outside wedding during 90 degree heat. Fun!

Here's the story, of a lovely lady...

2006-06-05T12:26:00.000-04:00

She's here!

Isabella made her way into the world on Friday, June 2, at 11:33pm.
She weighed 6 lbs. 11.2oz and was 19.5 inches long.
She is doing well and on her way to her first doctor's appointment :)

A quick rundown of her entrance:

Last Thursday we went for our last non-stress test and ultrasound, and during the ultrasound she wasn't moving much so they tried to jolt her awake and she was non-responsive.
The hospital doctor then told us to head on over to triage, we were going to have your baby.

Commence small freak out moment where I actually said, "wait, I'm not ready yet."

We were started immediately on a pitocin drip to see how well baby would tolerate contractions. She tolerated them fine but mom wanted to climb the freaking walls. We later found out that I was having huge contractions that just weren't monitoring that large.

No progress in dialating by the end of the night so they took me off pitocin and gave me cervadil to help me "rippen" if you will. I had more conractions all night long, but no dilating.

Morning came with no progress so pitocin was started again and contractions came stronger than ever. At 1cm dialated, my doc made the world's second Niagra Falls by breaking my water. He did it slowly and we still flooded the room with 2 inches of amniotic fluid.

Internal monitors were put on the baby's head because it was hard to get her rate with so much fluid, and that's when we really saw just how huge my contractions were.

I finally realized how stupid I was for trying to be a hero and fight through the paid and I took an epidural.

Best damn decision I made for myself. Period. I do not want any emails about how I wimped out.

I finally got some rest and slept through most of my dialating to 10. Then it was time to push.

3 hours of hard pushing by me and determination by me and the doctor, I saw in his eyes that he was thinking c-section. And in eyes he saw a woman saying hell no, let's get pushing.

After I realized where were headed, baby Isabella, who was turned slightly in the canal was born minutes later.

Once I heard that beautiful cry, I was hooked. Of course.

Then we had a pertty good scare when my uterus wouldn't contracting and I was loosing an awful amount of blood. Fast. Aaron at my side and me wanting to sleep because I was exhausted, were very scared. Aaron was shaking a little as the doctor kept trying to control the blood and was massaging my uterus and yelling for nurses to get this and that, he kept telling me not to close my eyes. My poor husband thought he was loosing me. I knew I was loosing a lot of blood and was headed for a transfusion, so we just prayed.

Eventually we got everything under control and I finally looked around and it was standing room only. I've never seen so many people in my life in a delivery room.

The whole experience was painful and amazing, but we are home now and resting as much as we can.

Thank you to all of you who were here for us during this entire process and rooting us on. Your thoughts and prayers have meant so much. So we're off now to the doctor because baby is a little jaundice, and then we're going to enjoy being officially, a family of 3.

Down to the nitty gritty

2006-05-25T18:27:00.000-04:00

1. Pedicure today-DONE (hey, if my tootsies are going to be up in the air while I try to kiss my knees, I better have pretty piggies.
2. Vacuum entire house in every crevice so the baby's first breath in her new home doesn't give her a hairball.
3. Go through office papers and file. Also create new file for baby so her 1200 ultrasound pictures have a home.
4. Diaper bag set up-DONE
5. Film in camera, hospital bag packed with cord blood kit-DONE
6. FILL ME IN

Help, new mommies!! What's one thing you wish you would have taken care of while you had time before the baby came?

I'm a planner, but also notorious for forgetting some of the most obvious things when making lists. So help me out here, what am I missing?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend, be safe!

No Paternity Tests Needed

2006-05-22T15:16:00.000-04:00

Had a non-stress test today and because I haven't felt the baby move very much, we had to have an ultrasound as well.

This is definitely my husband's child. She has a TON of hair on her head!! It's so funny to see it waving in the water on the screen! It was a precious moment. :)

All is ok though, we think I can't feel her as much because of all the fluid that is there but as long as I have visual confirmation, that's good enough for me.

We're doing all we can to get her here now. She has "dropped" and I am feeling contractions everyday. And of course the nurses always tell me it's because I'm dehydrated, but I just have a feeling my body is getting ready. We've been walking everynight and last night for the first time in a long time, we tried the method that got us in this position in the first place. But, no luck.

She may have a lot of hair like her Father, but she's stubborn like her Mother.

Happy Monday!

One good thing

2006-05-17T17:06:00.000-04:00

One good thing about bedrest:

My thank-you cards from the shower are now completed and mailed, all 100 of them.

At least I'm looking at the bright side! :)

Going to bed, but not because I'm tired

2006-05-15T14:33:00.000-04:00

Extreme pain on Thursay night and some spotting landed me in triage on Friday then landed me in bed until the baby comes.

Yep,as of today, I'm officially off work with frequent bed resting. Nice. I've already called work 4 times to see what's going on. I'm a freak I know. It's more like a control freak, I'm afraid of other people not supporting my staff the way they're used to with me, which is ridiculous, because I'm not there to do anything about it and I just don't know why I care so much. Can we say work-a-holic???

Friday we went to the hospital per our doctor's request and we were checked out and sent home. Still all closed up, baby's heart rate was great, mom is huge with fluid and simply having contractions. The kicker about our pregnancy is that when something happens, such as a large contractions like that, they immediately tell me to go to the hospital because "ours is not a normal pregnancy." So we're told every time we see a doctor or nurse. I'm still waiting on that room at the hospital reserved just for us because we're there so much...

This morning was another non-stress test and baby did fine. Giving the highs and lows with the heartrate that let us get on our way in 30 minutes rather than the usual hour.

So, I'm home until baby arrives, which we're told could be any day because of all the fluid we have. We are measuring 42 weeks now and I feel every week of it. I'm exhausted for absolutely no reason at all and I live for my next chiropractor appointment tomorrow. It's the only thing saving my back. And it's the only time I get to have some "tummy time" :)

Since the doctors say it really could be any day, I'm going to wish for the baby to come, any day now!!!

Happy Monday!

34 wks 2 days

2006-05-09T15:48:00.000-04:00

Had a baby shower at work last night and cancelled my non stress test that
was scheduled so I could be there.
Had my hand slapped this morning by the doctor at my checkup.

Turns out, you're not really supposed to miss those things, especially with
all the issues we have going on. Oops!
So I went to the hospital to have one and gave a "sample" to the nurse and
went to sit in the waiting room, about 5 minutes later nurse walks in
carrying 2 large cups of water. For me, of course. I'm severely dehydrated
again, and having contractions like crazy. One registered very high on the
scale. Now THAT one I felt!

With all the fluid we have, we are measuring at 42 weeks, and the doctor
told us to count on being induced at 38 weeks. At the latest, 39 weeks.
Yikes! That's scary stuff, but exciting at the same time. I'm so ready to
have this child on the outside of me, it's amazing. I almost feel guilty
for feeling that way, but I'm so big and so achy and tired, I'm ready.
Plus, all these appointments are running me raged.

Nursery is all set up and ready to go, clothes hung, bassinets/cribs all
put together. Now we just need the baby ;)

Oh yeah, funny story when I was walking into work the other day, I was just
about to get on the elevator when a guy walked up next to me, looked over
and said "Hmm, looks like someone needs to go on a diet." And then said
nothing else. I don't know if he knew I was pregnant or not, so I just
said, "Yeah, I'll start working on that in a couple of weeks..." No
response to that. Nothing. I was dumbfounded and wasn't sure if I should
punch him in the face or run and cry. Aaron says I should have done the
first thing.
I think I need to go eat a piece of leftover baby shower cake. Or 5.

Have a great afternoon!!

Pet Peeve as of now

2006-05-07T17:51:00.000-04:00

People who look at me and say: "Wow, are you sure you don't have twins in there?"

Go.Away.

Baby is about 4 1/2 pounds right now, doing fine, starting to turn head down. We are 34 weeks today and are living pretty much at the hospital between non-stress tests twice a week, ultrasounds every three, and checkups every 2, we need a room.

Currently having contractions, which aren't fun, but easy enough to deal with. I'm not naive, I know they're NOTHING like the ones in labor are going to be ;)

Thus the reason for the lengthy absence, but you know me, a month goes by before I realize I haven't posted.

So, I hope everyone is well, I'll be checking shortly!!

In order

2006-04-11T21:57:00.000-04:00

First, congratulations to Girl From Florida on her new baby girl!! I couldn't be more happy for her and hope she is doing well. But I'm also a little scared, that just means a couple more of us are that much closer to delivering also. Scary!

We actually just got home from our last Childbirth class tonight, it was the one where we toured the hospital, but we already got to do that this past Saturday. Not by choice.

We weren't contracting or anything, I was just having major cramping and back pain and just wanted reassurance from the doctor that things were fine. Ummm, wishful thinking? She told us we had better come in just to be sure because of all the issues we have going on. I did tell everyone about the too much amniotic fluid thing right? Hmm, not sure but its called polyhydramnios. Put that with the two-vessel cord we have and the next thing we know nurse lady asks for a "sample" and is poking me with needles to get an IV started. First we can't find baby's heartbeat so Aaron and I get a little freaked, ok a lot freaked and they bring in an ultrasound machine to get a better look. It was ok, baby was just in a bad position. Then nurse asks me if I've eaten or drank anything today, or even yesterday. I'm fat so I look at her funny, and she says my ketones are sky high and I'm extremely dehydrated. Begin IV! So all in all, no big deal, but it was a good thing I came in they said because it would have been really for me to catch up on hydration. Which is so odd because I'm constantly drinking water. The nurse also told us that if we come in for labor and she sees our name on the chart, she's going home sick. Nice. :)

So that's the update, we're 30 weeks along and our doctor tells us we'll probably be induced in 8 more weeks. With my conditions, we won't likely go full term. Fun!

And what I'm most excited about for the moment is: 1. That's baby is ok, and 2. Tax Season is almost over!!! (Hence the lack of posting, I close my eyes and see tax returns)

Have a great week!!!

The skinny

2006-03-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

It's been quite a while since a post was written here, even though I vowed to begin again and keep everyone more informed. All I have right now is baby news and the roller coaster we've been going through. We were told 2 ultrasounds ago that the cyst on the brain was gone but we only have the two-vessel cord and that the baby could have Down's or heart or kidney problems. At the last ultrasound (last Wednesday) the doctor from Children's Hosp. told us he could see no major defects in the heart and the lady doing our ultrasound said she could not see that the head was too much bigger than the body which sometimes indicates Down syndrome. So we finally left an ultrasound with relief.

Even though they did say I have a ton of amniotic fluid, which sometimes indicates diabetes, I drank the sugar water today and I'll get the results tomorrow. At this point, I don't care. I just want my baby to be healthy. She is also breech so she'll have to work on her already amazing tumbling-keep-me-awake at night skills, but other than that, I think we're doing fine. We got a 4D picture of the baby last time and it just blew my mind away how much we could see. She kept waving her little hands and feet for us, so much that the doctor doing the echogram was getting pretty frustrated and not at all impressed with our baby's tumbling moves.

I hope everyone else out there still reading this is doing well and I thank all of you for your kind words during our difficult journey. Not only getting pregnant, but staying pregnant, and eventually through the birth of our baby.

Have a wonderful week!!

Weekend wrap-up

2006-02-19T17:07:00.000-05:00

At our last ultrasound, we discovered that the cyst that was on the baby's brain is gone. We thanked God and settled in for some more ultrasound watching... enter Dr. Evil.

After the visit, the hospital's doctor came in and ruined our good news. He told us that the baby's cord only has two "ports" or "ventricles" instead of the normal three. Typically the umbilical cord has two arteries and a vein. We only have one of each. Dr. Evil then proceeded to ridicule us for not having done any of the diagnostic genetic bloodwork such as the AFP test, or an amniocentisis. We had declined them both because there was not a damn thing we were going to do if the baby had any deficiencies anyway. So he told us because of this genetic defect, there could be others such as Down's, heart problems, kidney problems, or cleft lips. He recommended we have the amnio.

Too bad for you Doc, because we're not doing it. Our baby is going to be just fine and we know God won't give us more than we can handle anyways.

A couple days after that, we had a regular checkup with my doc and he put things in a better prospective. He wasn't so worried and told us that it was Dr. Evil's job to give us the worst case scenario.

What this does mean for us is monthly ultrasounds to make sure the baby is getting enough nutrients and growing properly. If not, they will take her by c-section. Immediately. As in, no waiting until 9 months. Now. Scary stuff. He also said no falling or bumping my belly too hard because I would have to go to the hospital to be monitored. Today we are 23 weeks, almost 6 months along. It's amazing to us everyday that we've even gotten this far. The next ultrasound is one to hear the baby's heart and it will also be 4D. Which means we should be able to see very clearly the baby's face. We can't wait.

We have painted the nursery and set up the crib and completed a registry. We are planning baby showers and have bought Isabella's first outfit she'll wear home from the hospital. It's unbelievable how this baby has already changed our lives. We just can't wait to hold her in our arms. :)

In other news, iron pills are not my friend and anemia be damned I'm not taking them anymore. I spent last night tossing and turning with horrible stomach pain because of them. I've now boycotted them.

And my next checkup is the diabetes testing with the sugar water. Yummy. Nasty orange sugar drink-here I come!

Where we're at.

2006-02-02T19:29:00.000-05:00

A week ago today we discovered we are having a little girl. Isabella. We are having a little Isabella.

We also discovered that she has a cyst on her brain. I heard those two words in the same sentence and didn't hear much after that.

I've heard plenty of encouraging scenarios since then, but the fear is still in my mind for our baby girl.

Our next appointment at the hospital this time will be on Monday to see if perhaps the cyst has just gone away on its own. Dear God, please let the cyst go away.

Dear God, PLEASE let the cyst just go away.
Amen.

Happy Anniversary

2006-01-16T17:56:00.000-05:00

Almost missed it. My 2 year blogging anniversary. Time sure flies when you're having fun, or you don't post much... (So I've been told!)

I feel my energy coming back though and my hope is to begin posting more. Since I can't do it at work, (new job) it's harder to do it at home because we still have:
DIAL-UP.

I know we need to jump into the 21st century but I fear our computer will crash and burn if we try to do that. It's older, plus the fact that for us it's an un-needed expense. Maybe one day though, we can still dream.

Had my first meltdown today-Aaron and I were discussing something on the phone on my way home from work and I completely melted down on him. I came home and simply cried while he held me and promptly fell asleep. However, this was exactly what I needed! No more talking, just crying and being there. I'm a freak I know, don't tell me.

I need to find a basket-a-holics group. I got a gift card for Christmas to P1er 1, and all I can find to buy are baskets. Baskets for the diapers, baskets for the powders, lotions, BIG baskets for the clothes, I need to be stopped. At the rate I'm going, we'll just forget the whole crib thing and the baby will sleep in a basket. Kidding! I'm just kidding, no need to call the higher ups, we have a beautiful bedroom set picked out already. And the crib is one that changes eventually into a toddler bed and then a full size bed, so I wouldn't even change my mind when he/she is a teenager. Maybe.

Anyways, Happy Martin Luther King Day, I was not so privledged to get the day off, but if you did I hope you did something worthy with your time. Have a good week!

Blessed

2006-01-11T19:06:00.000-05:00

I recently confided in someone that I wasn't very comfortable being pregnant. Not that I wasn't greatful, I was just crawling in my own skin. I wish I would have said that sooner because after that, everything has changed. I feel energy again, not much but enough to where I think I can safely take the local pizza joint off speed dial, I am more comfortable with my growing belly, and I'm finally settling down and feeling myself again, not a hormonal raging pregnant woman. Still weepy, but not as moody.

Although it seems I am constantly starving, and I really hate sleeping on my left side. Oh well, can't fix everything right?

Today was another checkup and Aaron finally got to hear the heartbeat. Amazing. I'm up another two pounds for a total of 6 according to the doctor's scale. We also scheduled our appointment to find out what the gender of the baby is. This is the greatest excitment of our lives. We can't wait to dive into planning the nursery, we just need to know which theme we are going with! Boy or girl...

In the beginning I would have thought boy, and for whatever reason, I now think girl. I simply don't care, it's just going to be so exciting to find out.

Today was truly one of those days that make me count my blessings. I was on my A game all day. A great doctor's appointment, I was certified in a software program today passing with way more points than I needed, I came home and had a lovely-healthy dinner, I actually found time to blog, and now I'm going to surf and find out what the gender of Dazed's baby is, and then I'm going to slip into my pj's and wait for my hubby to get home from work. I am truly blessed.

It's way belated, but Happy New Year everyone. May this be the year you count your blessings too.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2005-12-23T09:58:00.000-05:00

I get today and Monday off, Yay!
I'm spending the next two days in the hospital visiting my mom who decided she needed to have a hysterectomy on Wednesday. Boo.

She's doing fine, she's just in a lot of pain. She said it compares to childbirth....
Way to scare the beejeesus out of me mom. I wasn't planning on having a c-section, now I'm not so sure.

I've tried looking for sites that describe the physical pain of childbirth, but I've been unsuccessful in finding them. Maybe it's a sign I don't need to know until I get there.

I got to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time last Thursday. It was amazing, I could have listened to that all day. :)

I was told my blood pressure was a little high and that I needed to get that under control. Just one more way I'm failing as a parent. Nice. I can't even be not stressed out for 9 months to let this baby grow healthy.

I feel like every time I go to the doctor I'm stepping into a confessional. Here I am, ready with my list of questions and when the doctor asks me if I have any, I spring them on him before he can take the question back.

I had a glass of pop that wasn't caffeine free.
I keep waking up and finding I'm laying on my back.
I've been eating waaaay more carbs than is allowed.

You know, things like that. My doctor just looks at me and tells me I'm fine. And of course I think of 20 more things AFTER I leave.

After my appointment last week I broke out in a rash that night and googled it to see what it could be/mean. BIG mistake. I diagnosed myself with a liver problem. Nice. So after I called the OB's office and they told me they can't treat me for a rash and that the doctor doesn't think there is anything wrong with my liver, I hear them laughing as I hang up...
I think I'm known as the crazy pregnant women there.

Ok, off to pick up my dad and sister and head to the hospital to visit my mom. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I hope Santa brings you everything you wished for!!!!

1/3 way there!

2005-12-12T17:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we hit 13 wks and therefore have completed the first trimester! Yay!

For two people who wanted this so bad, it sure does seem surreal still.

Still doing ok, I suppose. I don't know any different, but I'm feeling ok only sick here and there and still cramping which scares the Hell out of me, but I see the doc on Thursday so I'm sure he'll tell me if something's wrong. I can't cough or sneeze without thinking my insides have ruptured. That's an odd feeling, let me tell you.

I know now that the baby doesn't like apples or fish. I had cod the other night for dinner and promptly saw it again the next morning. Yuck.

My appetite has decreased and is back to normal, and something I didn't expect happened:

MY FEET GREW!

My once tiny size 7 foot has morphed into a size 8 1/2! I heard that this was normal, but good grief, they are going to need their own zip code and post office soon. The crap about it is that I spent 23 years of my life perfecting my shoe collection to have it destroyed in 3 months.

Crazy things happen when you're pregnant. Especially the dreams/nightmares I've been having lately. In the past week, I've dreamt about another man-yes that way- helped a little girl with frostbitten black fingers, and watched a car explode. With people inside. These dreams do not make for pleasant nightime slumber! They scare the crap out of me and I more than not wake Aaron up to walk me to the bathroom because I'm freaked the heck out.
So the dreams can stop anytime, thank you very much.

Ok, I'm off to feed the baby frosted Chex, toast, and an orange. Mmmm, yummy fruit...
Have a great week!

Milestone-12 wks

2005-12-04T10:41:00.000-05:00

We did end up going north for Thanksgiving, but we didn't do as much shopping the next day as I would have hoped. The ride up there was during a blizzard so that made a 3 hour trip turn into a 5. This was also due to the fact that per the doc's request, I had to get out and walk for 10 minutes after riding for 45. Good times.

We did get a bout of bad news the day before Thanksgiving, Aaron got laid off. So it's searching into the job market he goes. This is going to make for a VERY light holiday. We put up the Christmas tree and the spirit isn't broken yet, it's just hard to shop for people when you have a next-to-nothing budget.

My spirit is high right now, knowing that today marks 12 wks for me, I'm finishing my first trimester and that's something I never imagined would be here. I have a book that tells me exactly what is happening everyday with the baby and Aaron and my routine every night is winding down on the couch and I read to him what is happening everyday. Of course, he's just waiting for me to read the part where it says "your baby's gender can now be detected by an ultrasound..." :) We both just want healthy, but it will be so much fun to pick out our baby's first gender-specific outfit or toy.

The doc says 20 weeks, so about 2 more months to go! And about 2 more weeks until I get to stop taking these extra progesterone supplements! Woohoo, grow baby, grow!

Family Tradition

2005-11-22T19:05:00.000-05:00

In my family, it is customary to become ill just before a big event. Enter: Thanksgiving. Enter: cold. Enter: me.

After last night and this morning's festivities of breaking every blood vessel in my face, I'm not sure that we'll be making that 3 1/2 hour hike up north to be with my family. Nor will we spend the 45 minute ride in the opposite direction to be with Aaron's family. Because I don't share. And that includes germs.

So here I am with my hormonal self, feeling all sorry and grumpy that we'll quite possibly be home by ourselves for T-day, but we still do have a lot to be thankful for, so I suppose I should just shut my non-turkey filled mouth.

I made my second panic call into the nurse at the doctor's office today, asking if it was ok to throw up and not produce anything. I have been lucky thusfar and only felt ill, I haven't actually thrown up until this morning. Kind of. My throat is sore, glands are swollen and body is achy. I was actually spitting in the sink this morning (yuck) just so I wouldn't have to swallow. I hope it's not strep because that WOULD be bad for the baby. Yikes, I'm getting myself all worried again. So after eating as much as I could today, I learned that my stomach can revolt and make itself feel as though I'm being punched very hard everywhere around my abdomen. A coworker told me this was contractions and that was happening because I wasn't hydrated enough. I don't know if I believe her, but I did feel better after I chugged a bottle of water.

Anyways, we're praying for a miracle over here that I feel well enough tomorrow to head north, because we all know where I'll be going the next day with my mom:

SHOPPING!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, be thankful and be kind. :)

The beginning of life

2005-11-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

We had our first ultrasound on Saturday. Well, the first one where we were allowed to see anything that is. And what we saw was truly amazing. A heartbeat.

Not only that, but a head and a body that held that heartbeat. My mom and husband by my side, we saw a new life beginning inside me. Incredible.

I've taken to dry heaving in the mornings (TMI, I know, I know), afraid that I'm hurting the baby I wretch so violently. I still can't get enough sleep and I am still cramping which scares me everyday. I think this is beginning to feel more real to me. I just hope our little person hangs on so we can see he/she in about 7 months.

Clothes are getting tighter around the middle now. Which is scary because I'm only around 9 or 10 wks. pg...hard for an already heavy person to stand. But it's all completely worth it. If this is the only baby we're blessed with, I'm going to relish every part of it and take it all in.

It's 6:30 now and I'm already counting the hours until bed. This night owl just retired I think. That's pretty sad, what a party pooper I am!

In non-baby news (you didn't think there was anything else, did you?) I think that my cats must know something is happening because they are acting so odd, even for them. Our one cat, Daisy has taken to pawing one piece of food out of her dish at a time, and cupping while bringing it to and putting it in her mouth. I don't know who has been teaching the cat to eat like a human, but it's pretty entertaining to watch. While the other cat, Delia has become my protector. I've learned that fake-crying will get her to my side, wide-eyed in an instant.

Crazy cats.

And another odd happening, Aaron and I decided to do some yard cleaning on Saturday.
He was blowing around the leaves and I was following behind to plant tulip bulbs. He finished with one section and I looked down to find a $50 bill in one of our hostas. So I think next year I'm going to split the hosta and sell of pieces of it, marketing it as the first money growing hosta. How else would you explain it?

A baby growing inside me and money growing on plants.

What a crazy year....

Not like I thought I would

2005-11-08T18:19:00.000-05:00

Today we made the two month mark. Already. Two whole months of being pregnant. Of course we've only known for three so that's the difference.
It's funny, I really don't "feel" pregnant. Not like I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I'm not throwing up everyday, I'm lucky to only have a little nausea here and there. And of course the jugs. I've told you all how sore they are.
It's just odd that I don't feel any different than I did before.

I'm sure that'll change after this weekend when we get to go see the heartbeat. Since we aren't that far along, we won't hear the heartbeat because it's too faint. But we'll get to see it on the screen. Maybe then it will be real for me.

Counting down the days until Saturday seems like an eternity.

All I can do is pray that everything is developing as it should.

We are headed to a Red Wings game tomorrow night, so I'll be glad to get a night out because all I've been doing is sleeping. I can't get enough of it!!

Patterns

2005-11-02T17:39:00.000-05:00

So I've noticed a trend that the worry doesn't stop once you become pregnant.

As of today, we've already failed at parenting by doing the following:

1. Getting new windows in our house. The smell of rubber caulk. Yum.

2. I've gotten my nails done. Arcylic chemicals are good for babies right?

3. I've eaten deli meat. I thought this would be better than the pizza I really wanted.

4. And I ate an apple yesterday that I just barely kept down. I think the baby was trying to tell me something. No nutritional food mom!

Now that our baby is the size of a rasberry, he/she thinks they can just take over and rule.

Know what? That's totally fine by us.

We have some names picked out but we are not totally set with them.

Girl: Isabella (Ella) Lee
Boy: Gavin Michael

We just have a funny feeling that its going to be a boy, who knows. With our luck we will think that our entire pregnancy and it will be a girl. Which is fine by us, just please God let the baby be healthy!

Do other pregnant women worry about that so much? I would google it but Aaron has banned me from all search engines. They are my own worst enemy.

Happy Hump Day!!

Seeing Red

2005-10-27T19:40:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend I saw something that no person who has wanted a pregnancy so bad ever wants to see. Red.

Monday was a quick trip to the doctor and a blood test and an order for an ultrasound, which was yesterday.

A beta of 3,362, and a diagnosis of low-progesterone, and the possibilty of a tubal pregnancy. Let the worry begin.

Our ultrasound was yesterday and I'm happy to report we do not have a tubal pregnancy, the baby is growing in the uterus just where it should be. Thank God. All I have to do now is take a progesterone suppository twice a day (lovely-let me tell you) for my first trimester.

A small price to pay considering the fact that we want this child more than anything.

But just to play on the safe side, no more window shopping at the baby stores. Don't want to jynx myself. But of course our family has already started buying items and letting us know that we are having a boy. How they think they know that, I don't know, we'll be happy either way. We just want it to be healthy.

And I know I won't think this way in about 7 months, but come on belly, grow!!!!! :)

Now I can finally...

2005-10-22T15:03:00.000-04:00

Post a pregnancy ticker (of course it doesn't fit here, I posted it at my other blog.)

Walk into Baby stores without crying.

Walk into Baby stores and realize I'm in there for myself this time. And then cry...

Not see the look of disappointment on my husband's face every month when my time arrives. Because it is NOT HERE.

Look forward to waking up every morning feeling sick because I know the reason why I do.

Forget every freakin night when I take my boulder holder off to do it gently, because hold heck are my jugs tender!

I'm feeling fabulous, only nauseous a little, as I mentioned, my jugs are extremely tender. I guess right now we're just in shock that this is really happening. We are going to enjoy every minute of this. Thank you to all of you who stuck around and for all the well wishes. Obviously this blog will now turn into a pregnancy one sprinkled with the rest of our lives.

Unbelievable.

And, um, total pg tests taken: 6, I think it's to spite all the ones I took this year that didn't give us the right answer. :)

Never Say Never

2005-10-18T19:24:00.000-04:00

Our baby is due to enter this world sometime around June 20, 2006.
Never say never.

2005-09-28T19:33:00.000-04:00

It's that time again...

Where I have to take a look at everything and see what has to give.

Unfortunately as of late, it has been my blog. Of course it couldn't last forever, but I hate the thought in the back of my mind that feels guilty for never taking time to post. It used to be so easy, do it on my breaks at work. But now, a new job, new rules, no time to post.

So my friends, the time has come for me to take a hiatus. At this point I think all my readers are gone now anyways, so the next time you'll see a post from me will be in November I'm assuming. This is when the fun begins.... (Infertility treatments)

I may pop in here and there, and I'll try to visit those of you I can't stand not to read, but other than that,

Adios!

Up to date

2005-09-18T13:14:00.000-04:00

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I've gotten a post up. My life has changed so dramatically lately that blogging fell down to the bottom on my list of priorities.

I'm still working at my new job, trying to get into my niche and become more comfortable with things. I'm still grieving the loss of my grandmother, and we are now one month away from beginning our infertility routine. So, yes, another failed month and one step closer to scare-the-beejeebus-out-of-me-November. The praying never ceases, unfortunately the tears don't either.

I'm fighting a sinus cold right now but loving the reason why its here. Fall. We are transitioning into my favorite season and for this reason only, I'm thrilled and loving life. I am supposed to finally pick up my wedding album tonight and then we are helping some friends look around the town for houses.

Within the next week or two we will be saving every penny so we can hit all the haunted houses around and go to all the pumpkin patches and hayrides at the cider mills. These are the reasons that I'm not going to stay in bed all day and dwell on the bad things. There is a life to be lived and dammit, I have to live it!

In my life

2005-09-05T18:56:00.000-04:00

My heart goes out to all of the people affected by the hurricane down south. My thoughts and prayer are with them all. It's times like these where we can never do enough to help.
______________________

With gas prices the way they are right now, we stayed pretty close to home this weekend. We were in a beautiful wedding for two of our friends and I made a big impression at the reception. It wasn't a good one though, just as Aaron and I were being announced for being attendants, I stepped on the hem of my dress, twisted my ankle and fell on my knees. Along with the physical pain, there was my hurt pride as well. Nice. Take a nose dive in front of about 100 people. I am SO graceful.

Sunday we took in a movie, Red Eye, it was good I thought, but parts of the story seemed to be left out.

Today was a trip to the cider mill (first one of the season-hello fall!!! ) and then we went to the Renaissance festival. Aaron just left with our friends to go to a cookout and I asked to be dropped off back home because I am simply beat and there's loads of laundry to do. Plus, I haven't put a post up in quite some time, and life is still going on so I can't let a journal opp pass me by.

I'm still taking the loss of my grandmother pretty hard, but I am slowly realizing that she's in Heaven now, and truly, like many of you mentioned, she is now in a better position to take care of our family now.

Thank you all for your kind words/thoughts, Aaron and I appreciated every one of them.

Happy Monday!!

The grieving process

2005-08-29T17:30:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday was one that will be in my mind forever. Being so very close to my grandmother and losing her has changed my life.

We were supposed to go out to dinner with Aaron's family for our birthdays. I got home from work and Aaron called and said he was on his way home, but wanted to tell me that he talked to my mom and that Grandma was in the hospital. Nobody knew why, my dad had been there all day with her and hadn't called with an update. They decided not to tell me until I got home so they knew I actually made it home. (I probably would have gotten into an accident for all my tears)

I called my mom at that point and nobody thought too much of the situation. So we decided to head to dinner and if she was still in the hospital after, we would have went up to see her. Just as soon as we reached the highway, I told Aaron to turn around, I didn't think it would be a good idea to go. We went to my Mom's house and picked her up and headed to the hospital. 30 seconds away we received a call from my dad asking where we were, to hurry up. I lost my breath and couldn't speak. Couldn't even dial the phone to call my brothers to tell them to hurry. Grandma had taken a turn for the worse. She had had 2 heart attacks and had been saying all day she was waiting for the big one.

Aaron parked the car while my mom and I ran in, I wasn't preppared at all for what I was about to see.

There in the ICU was my Grandma hooked up to so many machines, and she looked so small that she nearly was hidden in the hospital bed. Her eyes were closed, at this point she wasn't coherent. I grabbed her had and said, "Grandma, we're here, mom and I are here." Beeping everywhere, there wasn't a machine that didn't go crazy. She knew I was there with my mom. I told her to relax and stroked her hair, she would cough and make the machines beep, but still I thought she'd be ok.

This continued into the evening, and then eventually she opened her eyes. At that point, all of her kids and many of her grandkids had made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye, just in case this was the last time we would be able to. It was.

The conversation Aaron and I had with my grandma was one that I will likely never forget. We told her we loved her and it was her turn to watch over us in Heaven, that Grandpa needed a break from it, we told her to take care of us all, and she nodded her head that she would. She couldn't talk, but kept trying to. The tubes in her throat prevented it. At the end of the night, she could open her eyes, and move her hands. I was never far from the room and before they strapped her hands down, I was outside the room and looked in to make the sign for "I love You." She lifted her weak arm and waved her hand at me. Aaron and I asked her if she had talked to God tonight, she nodded, we asked if she was hurting, she nodded, we asked if she would talk to God and ask him to bless our marraige with healthy children. She nodded, and tears ran down her face.

At about 2am my parents got a call that said she was slipping. At 4:33am Aaron and I got a call from my parents saying she had passed away. I knew as soon as the phone rang what had happened, even before Aaron looked over at me and said, "She's gone."

The ironic part of the whole thing was that Grandma ALWAYS told us never to use any extreme measures to keep her alive. Well, when she arrived at the hospital my dad never got a chance to tell the nurse that because everything happened so fast, so she was put on a respirator. Otherwise, she would have been gone as soon as she arrived at the hospital.

Thursday morning we went to grandma's house and sort of sat there numb. I never prepared myself for losing her. She would have been 90 years old on Spetember the 11th. She also said she never wanted to make it to 90. Guess she won that bet.

Ever since I was little, before we would leave after our Sunday visit, I would always sneak into Grandma's kitchen to write a note on her pad so she would find it later. I wrote my last letter to her that night and stuck it in her memory box in her casket. Aaron stuck a wirenut inside as the first thing he did for Grandma was electrical work. I was also put in charge of creating her memory boards, and it was truly an honor. I was always fascinated by how many pictures Grandma had, everytime I went over to visit. There was always some new photo we had never seen.

Aaron and I always took her her simple pleasures. Whether it was pizza and beer, fresh fruit, popcorn and a movie, or the last treat we brought, Klondike bars. Grandma never drove a day in her life so it was up to us to check in on her and take care of her like she did her 6 children.

Helping to plan her funeral was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. The viewing was Friday night, an amazing amount of people showed up, friends, family members, and coworkers. Saturday it rained, but it was fitting because Grandma loved the rain, especially on her face. We buried our grandma on Saturday, shoveled some earth on her gravesite and threw, as a family, flowers on her grave. She will be forever missed.

We love and miss you Grandma, may you dwell in your final resting place in peace, in the House of the Lord.

Time Alone

2005-08-25T18:40:00.000-04:00

My grandmother passed away this morning around 4:30, please excuse my absence for a while.

Rebecca

Learning all over again.

2005-08-21T21:48:00.000-04:00

First day: Migraine at 3pm.
Second day: Wore something not in the dress code, have to seriously buy a new professional wardrobe.

Overall opinion: I LOVE IT!

There is so much to learn and take in that my mind is sort of spinning and trying to compute everything at once. However, I'm not tied to a phone all day and there are plenty of things to do and more things to understand everyday. I hope this will be something I'll enjoy.

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties last night for a wedding we're in on September 3rd. Yeah, that's the first time in a long time I've seen the 4 o'clock hour (yes, in the AM) Needless to say, I'm so sleepy!

Dinner with family tonight for our birthdays tomorrow. Dinner with my family tomorrow and a lemon-cherry cake for dessert!

Happy birthday Aaron!- August 22, 1979
Happy birthday me!- August 22, 1982

Aaron likes to tell people I was his birthday present on his 3rd birthday. :)

Happy Monday!

To answer some questions that are popping up in comments but leave no email address:
Matt- I somehow deleted your link, I know you're here, please leave your site address again please :)
Mae: Yes, my diet was doctor-prescribed for my pcos. Sometimes losing weight (which we both know is hard to do with this condition) can help make everything semi-normal again. Didn't work with me, but I'm not stopping because I feel better since losing this weight.

Countdown

2005-08-17T15:02:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow's the big day, I start my new job!

I'm little nervous, as I'm sure anybody is starting a new job. I've been doing a great job of keeping my mind off of it though. I just got home from working out, yesterday I painted a toybox (that will one day be for our children) and I've cleaned out our office and junk drawer. That's what I call being productive. Oh, and in a rare spurt of creativity, I completed 3 scrapbook pages yesterday. I feel so accomplished! A much better mood than I was in the last time I posted.

Just so I'm extra prepared, I'm going right now to set out my clothes and cut up some veggies for lunch and dinner. We're having BLT's tonight, with fresh tomatoes from the farmer's market. Then hopefully I'll have an hour or so to simply veg on the couch and do nothing else.

Happy Humpday!!

Sharing the love

2005-08-13T11:30:00.000-04:00

Browsing blogs lately has been a rare occurance for me. Training my replacement has left little time for that.

However, the few I'd had a chance to browse have seemed to have been hit with the good luck stick. I suppose I should consider myself hit with that stick as well, since I will be starting my new job this coming Thursday. Although, it seems to me that if we get hit with the good luck stick, the bad luck stick is right behind it taunting us and reminding us that our happiness will be short-lived.

This month was one where we weren't "trying", we actually thought we fooled fate this time and it would happen. No, evelentythousand pee sticks later, still not pregnant. 2 months left to try before infertility treatment starts. I'm scared out of my mind to even go there.

Still going strong with my diabetic diet. I've lost 23 pounds now. 27 more to reach a personal goal. I'm hoping to do this by Christmas. Which is odd for me to do, because I never set weight goals for myself. I'm too determined to fail them.

An error made in the checkbook has cost us. Twice. Never once in my life have I ever had service fees, ever. Until this month when a 200 dollar error was made and voila! Two service fees instantly appear. I consider this a personal failure.

Rock bottom? No, we've been there before, we're just skimming it right now, hoping that someone will throw us a rope so we can climb out.

Have a free movie ticket that we're going to use tonight so we can go see Four Brothers. I have no idea what this movie is about, I'll let you know if it's good. It'd better be, our $20 dollar budget this week is being spent on it.

Have a good weekend!!

Wednesday

2005-08-10T13:45:00.000-04:00

No time to blog! Can't check up on anyone!

Training a new person and there isn't much downtime. Actually there is, but I can't very well teach the new person how to blog....or can I?

Happy Humpday!

Interviewing your replacement

2005-08-08T10:37:00.000-04:00

It's the oddest thing. How do you tell someone exactly what you do and make it sound like a job they'd like to have when you're the one leaving it?

Just finished one at 9, another coming at 11, 1, and 2.

But it sure is fun to be the one interviewing and not the interviewee. (yeah, so what it's my blog, I'll make up words if I wanna.)

Happy Monday!

What happens when you forget

2005-08-05T07:58:00.000-04:00

I bought a bridesmaid dress in May. I started my diet June 1st. I've lost 20 pounds since then. Think about that.

I need a seamstress. I'm about falling out of the top and because I'm only five foot one, I need 3498485587 inches hemmed.

Oh, and put a rush on it would ya? The wedding is September 3rd.

I can't believe I forgot about this dress that I had to move every time I opened my closet. The one that the cats like to swat at the bag on the bottom, every morning.
I can't believe I forgot.

So I'm going to spend this weekend trying to find someone to make a dress fit me. Sounds exciting huh? I totally live on the edge.

Also, tomorrow, I have a hair appointment for a color and a cut. Hopefully I'll convince Aaron that we need to go see a movie that night too. What's out thats good right now? Don't send me to any scary movies though. I'd be wasting my money just to sit and cover my eyes.

Happy Friday!

Absent

2005-08-03T08:02:00.000-04:00

Took a little hiatus for once because of good news. I was interviewing for a job, and finally, got it!

So I gave my two weeks yesterday. It wasn't received too well.

Anyways, I'm quite sure I'll be loaded with stuff before I leave, and I'm not sure what the internet policy is at the new place. Once I get it all figured out, things will get back to normal.

In the meantime, my birthday month is getting better and better!

Happy Humpday!

Our birthday

2005-08-01T10:19:00.000-04:00

It's officially our birthday month!
In 21 days Aaron will be 26 and I will be 23.

How in the hell did I already get 3 years into my 20's without realizing it? Someone please tell me. Or, just pass the geritol.

When I met Aaron I was 19. Still a teenager! A baby! I remember the night before my 20th birthday thinking, "If there is anything I wanted to do during my teens, I better do it now!" There wasn't anything. I think I was born an adult.
Sure, there was some stupid things I got into trouble for, but nothing outrageous. That's me, straight-laced and headstrong. (Depending on who you ask.)

Anyways, the point of this post was to remember my timeline. We all had one, I think. When we were younger and trying to grasp where we would be in our lives at a certain age, we made timelines. I think this is what mine resembled:

21- get married
22- buy a house
23- have first child
25- have second child
27- have third child
29- begin daycare business
30-600- live happily ever after

Yes, I really did think that I was going to live to be 600 when I was younger. I don't know why, I was a quirky child.

And as you can see, my 20's were going to be pretty much used up being pregnant. Well, it was a nice thought. ;)

21 days before our birthday comes and a fairy slaps us with age dust. 23 and 26. This has GOT to be our year for good things. You know, our year for a miracle...

Happy Monday!

The not so final product

2005-07-29T14:21:00.000-04:00

The deck:

Sorry the brush is in the way, we hadn't cleaned it up yet. But it is now!!

And you'll notice there are no stairs or railings on it yet. We're working on that. :) Probably this weekend actually.

Everyone have a good weekend! Happy Friday!

Ps: Please notice my wonderful chairs and umbrella curtosy of Freecycle. Yay! :)

How I'm easily annoyed

2005-07-28T09:56:00.000-04:00

Last night Aaron and I were looking for our mortgage bill. (Due 8/1-Hello 3 days until due!) We always put our bills in the same spot in the office, in the order in which they need to be paid. Yes, I'm a perfectionist like that.
But this one, THIS bill decided to wander away and get lost. So we are looking in a couple other places the bill might have been. Aaron asks me if I've looked in my purse. Why, yes dear I have looked there. When I cleaned it out the other night, I am positive there were no bills.

Then it happened.

I turned around and Aaron has my purse looking through it.

I tried to say it very politely but it probably came out as, "Are you freakin kidding me? I deal with people who second-guess me all day, I don't need my husand to as well!"

With that, he decided it was in his best interest to put the purse down, walk away slowly and look elswhere. Smart man, my husband.

Fast forward to today, about 20 minutes ago. I was asked if we kept a measuring tape around. I said we didn't, but go check next door.

And then it happened.

A couple minutes later I hear drawers being opened, and cabinets being searched through.

This person comes around the corner and I, trying in my calmest voice, say. "Are you kidding me? You didn't believe me, and had to look for yourself?"

The response: "Well, I wasn't sure if you knew what one was." And then they walked away laughing.

It's a good thing they walked fast too, because I couldn't grab something to throw fast enough.

We've got flooring!

2005-07-27T10:31:00.000-04:00

We have flooring on the deck now...but no stairs.

So we can throw a BBQ for all of our tall friends now!

Happy Humpday!

My weekend...In pictures!

2005-07-25T13:16:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know I did something stupid and deleted my old blog and I know that all of my links are gone...but it's Monday. What do you expect?

A big, BIG thank you to Becky, because she is working on designing a template for me to use, and then I'll work on putting my links back in. She totally rocks! And is my life saver :)

So, onto my weekend, which can only best be described by photos, (amateur ones, but photos nonetheless!)

Friday, Boat Night in Port Huron, MI.

Saturday at the Detroit Tiger's game: We lost.

Happy Monday!!!!

Test

2005-07-25T10:20:00.000-04:00

Test

Weekend plans

2005-07-22T09:02:00.000-04:00

I am in love with freecycle.

Tonight I am picking up chairs for the new dancefloor we are building in the backyard. No, it's just a deck but I totally plan on breaking it in by inviting my friends over for a little ballroom dancing.

I'm kidding, here's a picture:

Tomorrow we are heading down to Mexican Town in Detroit with Aaron's side of the family and then we are heading to the Tigers game. I will never turn down tickets to any kind of sporting game. I love being right there in the action. But turn the channel to baseball or football on t.v., and I'll leave the room screaming.

Sunday will be spent cutting down a large tree in the backyard so the deck can have some light and the damn earrwigs and ants won't have a bridge onto the roof of our house.

Oh yeah, I'm also trying to convince Aaron we need to move. To another state. Where should we move? I need all 4 seasons and don't want to be on either coast. Discuss.

Happy Friday, have a great weekend!!

Highlight of my day

2005-07-20T15:28:00.000-04:00

It's things like this that make me want to bang my head against a wall and think about the kind of man I married. (Hi, honey!)

Aaron got up at 5:30 this morning. All he had to do was brush his teeth, get dressed, and be out the door. Before he put on his shorts, he grabbed some change for lunch and threw it into a small pocket inside the shorts and then put them on.

I just got off the phone with him, and when it was lunchtime, he went to grab the money out, and realized he had his shorts on backwards. ALL DAY.
He noticed because the pocket was in the back, and that's just not right.

Ladies and gentleman, this is the man I married. Willingly.

Lest I ever forget, I DID say "I do" to that sickness and in health part, whereas he only responded, "Yes".

Happy Humpday!

Woah

2005-07-19T09:17:00.000-04:00

Life can just take you and throw you any which way it wants. That was definitely apparent this weekend. I'd like off this ride now please.

Many blogs I'm reading lately have the same tone, one of which life has dumped a big dirty pile of laundry on them to sort through.

I live my life like I'm doing laundry. Now wait, there's no need to commit me, I'm fine, just hear me out.

I've recently changed the way we do laundry around the house. Before, we would have two piles. One for darks, and one for anything else (lights, grays, light pinks) Then we would shove as much laundry in the washer as it could hold, spin the dial, add the soap, and viola. 20 minutes later they would be put into the dryer to dry.

The flaws in this logic:

1. Because the load was so large, I highly doubt anything could have really gotten too clean.
2. Aaron works in a trade. One where he gets dirty. Like mud dirty. Not like me where the only dirt that falls is office dust.
3. Therefore, many of my light colored shirts would get misc. markings on them. Presumably from the dirt from Aaron's workclothes. This resulted in said shirts being thrown away. Waste.
4. White would never stay white for long due to the mixing of the clothes.

Bascially, I was doing things half-assed.

The new way of laundry: (More detailed and time consuming, but the payoff is large)

1. Aaron's work clothes: Two piles, dark, light.
2. My whites/delicates
3. Our dark clothes together
4. Our lightly colored clothes together
5. Aaron's socks

Instead of taking a big bite, I'm taking little ones, and breaking things down.
It's easier to digest life that way too. Doing things in smaller amounts lets me spend more time and get each part done/cleaned the right way. So, instead of looking at the whole problem or taking it on all at once, I'm taking it:

Piece by piece.

Pound by pound.

Cycle day by day.

Minute by minute.

Psychic

2005-07-14T08:22:00.000-04:00

Sometime in high school, or right after, I went to a psychic party with a friend.
I had no idea what to expect, the only person I knew was my friend who I was going with and her mother, because the event was at her house.

I remember asking my friend to come into my reading with me so she could retain some of this information as well.

One of the first things she asked me was if I was pregnant. She kept saying things like "birth" and "new beginning" so pregnancy did not always mean babies, it could mean a new beginning. I took that to mean the college I was going to attend in the fall.

The very next thing out of her mouth was to tell me that I needed to cut the stress out of my life. She told me that stress ends up causing cancer, and physical health ailments. She told me to get it under control now or it would manifest itself into something very bad.

Hindsight's a bitch isn't it?

I asked many things and got a lot of answers that she predicted with 90% accuracy thusfar in my life. She predicted bright lights for me and something about broadway and cosmotology. Then she clarified that cosmotology meant to make something beautiful. The next year I went to a modeling open call and later found myself at a modeling exposition in Chicago where I strutted my stuff onstage for some of the highest modeling agency's known. Ford, Wilhelmina, they were all there, watching me on the stage, under those bright lights...

Towards the end of my reading, since it wasn't important to me then, I asked about children. She told me I was as fertile as they come and she saw the number 5. I would have 3 of my own and it looked like I was going to adopt 2.

I think she had me confused with my mother.

My mother, who had 5 children and all it took was one time with each of them.

But, she did say that I was the one who had to announce all of this. Meaning, when I was ready for these life changes, I had to announce them. Not like a ritual or chanting type of thing, I could say it in conversation without realizing, or while praying. Looking back, when Aaron and I first got together, I flat out told him if he thought while getting to know me that I wasn't marriage material tell me, and we'll move on. I told him I was tired of nowhere relationships and basically didn't want to waste my time anymore. I was ready for marriage. Apparently he thought me worthy enough to marry. ;)

So last night I said out loud to Aaron that I was ready to concieve and bring to birth healthy babies.

This psychic told me (because I asked for some kind of time frame) that probably within 8 months of being married I would conceive my first child.

June 16, 2005 was our 8 month wedding anniversary. My unwanted visitor came on Tuesday.

This was the one thing she was wrong on. It HAD to be this didn't it?

So, Aaron and I made an executive decision. When he came home last night he hid my basal thermometer. I will not pay attention to the dates on the calendar anymore, nor will I pay attention to the 'signs' my body gives me every month to indicate fertility. So at least until November, I give. Fate wins. We're not trying anymore.

My doctor was so thrilled with the amount of weight I had lost and seem to be keeping off he said to keep that up, and told us he wasn't going to do an infertility workup until November anyways.

I'm listening, and no more trying to have children for the moment. I literally drive myself crazy every month with waiting. I need a break.

But just in case: ARE YOU LISTENING OUT THERE?

I'M READY TO HAVE HEALTHY BABIES.

Getting it all out

2005-07-12T14:38:00.000-04:00

Update in list form. Something I haven't done in a long time and is quite overdue.

1. I had a garage sale this past weekend. I split the money with Aaron and it looks like someone gets to go shopping tonight. That someone would most definitely be me.

2. Still have PCOS. (Not like it goes away, I was just hoping it was a nightmare.)

3. Still not pregnant.

4. Have been at a total loss of 15 pounds for the past week. (Can anyone direct me where to get a nice ticker for this?)

5. Extremely creepy exterminator guy who came out last month obviously didn't do such a hot job getting rid of any bugs since Daisy found a new friend this morning and his name was BIG HUGE CARPENTER ANT. (We really need to cut the huge tree covering our house down.)

6. We were expecting great news and a life change for the good in the form of a letter recently. I think Murphy's law was the culprit who interferred with our mailbox. Jerk.

7. Still not pregnant.

8. Talked to my doctor about my next course of action for achieving #7, he then asked me to remind him how long we'd been trying. I told him since November. Dumbass that I am, I KNEW he wouldn't do any infertility workup until we'd been trying for a year. I should have lied.

9. AND THE SILVER LINING: He DID say that he still thinks this could happen on our own. Which is good because I'm really not too interested in the raging bitch that will show up in our house once we start mixing my hormones with drugs. I asked him to classify the degree of this condition. He told me "moderate."

10. I need another vacation. And a stiff drink.

11. Planning probably a weekender here. And counting the days.

Daily Grind

2005-07-11T08:37:00.000-04:00

I can't believe I only posted once on vacation. In my mind I came up with a post everyday. They just didn't make it on here.

I had a week to get my head together, let some things sink in, go on the boat, work out, go on the boat, have a party (what a blast), go on the boat, and go on the boat.

As a result, I'm the most tan I think I've ever been in my life. And yes, I did use sunscreen.

Why do vacations have to end?

Happy Monday!

Vacation

2005-07-05T10:55:00.000-04:00

A little rain did not stop our festivities yesterday! Our fireworks lit beautifully. Good friends, good food, good times.

Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!!

Since I'm on vaca this week, my schedule today looks like this:

Take Aaron's mom to lunch for her birthday
Hit the gym
Go get a manicure/pedicure
Scrapbook

Ahhh, vacation. :)

And the countdown begins

2005-07-01T08:03:00.000-04:00

After 5 oclock today, I will be on vacation. What's that? Oh, no, I'm not really going anywhere, I'll be home. Why? Well, that's because Aaron couldn't get the time off since I just decided I needed a vacation about 2 weeks ago.

Actually, I have a feeling this vacation is more like catch up because of all the work I have piled on my plate. The biggest task is going to be setting up all week for my garage sale next weekend. I always remember my mom having garage sales in the summer. I loved this because I got to stay up late and help her price items, fold, arrange, and then go out and set up the signs in the neighborhood. For some reason, it was very exciting to me. I think mostly because I got to spend quality time with my mom.

So I'll be off all next week. I'll be posting when I can, if I get time. This weekend will be full of BBQ's, boating, and fireworks. And with ANY luck, I'll pop in with great news...you never know.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!! Everyone be safe and have a wonderful holiday.

Running a little late

2005-06-29T13:18:00.000-04:00

I hate days that start off hurried.

At some point our power must have went out leaving our alarm clock 45 minutes behind.

So instead of waking up at 5:30 to be to a 7am meeting, I woke up at 6:15. And we only woke up because Aaron got a phone call at that time. Otherwise, I would have totally missed the meeting.

I don't actually remember leaving the house either. Aaron threw my charging cell phone into my purse, threw a couple pieces of bread, cheese, and two waters into my bag for lunch. I jumped up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, threw on clothes, brushed my hair into a ponytail, did a quick line of eyeliner with blush, deodorant, and body spray, a prayer that I looked somewhat put together and I was out the door with a kiss.

This has GOT to be the fastest I've ever gotten ready in my life. The only downfall to my speedy dressing is...

...I believe I left the curling iron on.

Happy Humpday!!

For a moment

2005-06-27T08:35:00.000-04:00

This weekend was all about me trying to forget about life and have a good time. Friday we helped my mother get ready for the open house and I made 4 butterfinger pies to which I only licked the spatula once, when I was done using it of course. The next morning I woke up to be rewarded with another two pound loss. So apparently I've made it out of my plateau. This makes the total count so far -14 lbs. Great way to start your weekend I tell ya!

Even though it was hotter than I could have imagined, the open house went beautifully and it did NOT rain!

Aaron and I ducked out early (but not before making sure my mom had tons of help to clean up) and he went to see a movie with a friend of his, and I went shopping with his fiance. Did you hear that? I went shopping!!

When Aaron first met me I would literally spend about $200 every weekend on new clothes (hello living at home!) And once before a photo shoot, I went out and spent almost $400 on clothes for it. That was short lived when I moved out and found you couldn't spend like that and pay the rent. Or eat.

So, I didn't go crazy with the debit card, but I did splurge on a purse that was half off, matching wallet, tons of bath products and a new shirt and workout pants.

Saturday night we went to watch fireworks. (Opening season- yay!) We literally made it just as the first firework went up. It was a beautiful night made more perfect when Aaron leaned over to me and said "Happy Anniversary." It wasn't our anniversary but as most of you know if you've read me for a while, Aaron and I met online and our first face to face meeting was at a fireworks display at a large park on July 6th, 2003. So our first firework display of the year sort of signifies our anniversary. It's corny, but, whatever works right?

Sunday, after finally finding a place to launch our boat (I live in a county that has 34 beautiful lakes) we jumped in and cooled our bodies and splashed around while idiots drove 20 feet from our heads on jetskis and other boats. It was way too crowded and I could see Aaron getting frustrated that people didn't pay attention to anyone else but that's what you get when you have a 90+ degree day out and a lot of people who own boats and jetskis. Welcome to Michigan. There was even a sheriff out on the lake and even he couldn't control everyone. There were just too many people out on such a hot day. But, we did have fun and afterwards went back home and cooked out hamburgers and hotdogs. With a slice of No Sugar Added apple pie for desert. ;)
Yes, I do realize if there had been a baseball game on the tv, we would have fit perfectly into the great American cliche. But I don't mind one bit.

Summer, it has begun.

Everything I can muster up

2005-06-24T08:22:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to remember that half the battle is thinking positive so for me, today I'm going to put a positive spin or outlook after each thing that is going on in my mind right now. And maybe when some time passes, I'll look back at this post and realize that thinking positive was the best thing I could do.

My mom will have her surgery on Tuesday of next week... and everything will be all clear. There will be no cancer.

Aaron will get his letter in about two weeks from the State of MI...and it will say he passed his test with flying colors.

Tomorrow is my little brother's open house...it will not rain, and there will be plenty of food, laughs, and sunshine to last the whole day.

My weight will not be stuck at 238...it will move eventually and I will lose the weight and go on to conceive a child. (or two, or three, or four) :)

Ok, now all my wishes have to do are come true!

Happy Friday!

On my mind

2005-06-22T07:54:00.000-04:00

They found something. Next step is to open her up and remove whatever "it" is.

A friend of ours just became pregnant. They weren't trying. It's great news, so why do I feel so sad?

My weight has hit a standstill. 238. 12 pounds lost since June 8, nothing in the past week. I'm frustrated, don't low-carb dieters usually lose about a million pounds? The ironic thing is, with PCOS, sometimes losing just 5% of your body weight will throw you back into the "regular" category and some people are able to concieve right away. With a starting weight of 250, 5% would be... 12 pounds.

Aaron's test is TODAY. No more study time left, it's now or never. 1:30pm to be exact.

I told Aaron yesterday that life is making me want to hole up under the covers and not come out. The sad thing is, he didn't know if I was kidding or not.

Neither do I.

Keeping it real.

2005-06-21T08:01:00.000-04:00

Right about this moment, my mother is probably being wheeled out of surgery and into a room while my dad waits beside her. She is there to find out if she has cancer by having a biopsy done. Please Lord, don't let this happen to my mother.

Tomorrow Aaron will be taking a test that could honestly change the direction, attitude, and course of our lives if he passes. Lord, please let this happen.

Blogging has been sparse lately because I've spent all my time on PCOS pregnancy boards, convinving myself that that will one day be me posting my success story.

Just keeping it real here folks.

The value of time

2005-06-17T15:58:00.000-04:00

T-minus 1 hour until I'm Freeeeeee!

Frrreeeeeee, free as the wind blows.

Oh, no I'm stir crazy at all that there hasn't been anyone here to converse with today. Well, except that rude lady I argued with on the phone, but it's totally her word against mine.

Happy Friday!!

Hindsight

2005-06-16T08:19:00.000-04:00

I knew this would happen. I have to stop weighing myself every chance I get. This is ridiculous. Do you know how many times I stepped on that thing yesterday. I'll help you. It's a number more than 8 and less than 8735872. Yeah, somewhere around that much. And for a fleeting moment when I woke up this morning, I was into the 230's. Amazing. Then, as I almost couldn't believe my eyes, I stepped on it again. 240.5. ::smacks forehead::

I've never learned to leave well enough alone.

Maeander: You left me no way to respond to you yesterday, email me and I'd love to talk to you! :)

Smack dab in the middle.

2005-06-14T10:56:00.000-04:00

Welp, I think I may have found the right track.
I started the low-carb diet to help with my condition last Wednesday. Today, almost one week later, I'm 5 pounds down, 10 total from where I was in February. Unbelievable. This is the kind of diet I like, one with instant results.
The bad part was, I went to a site to log in my foods and portions, and found I am starving myself. 1100 calories isn't enough to get you by. Who knew?!
So I'll need to tweak that a little bit, but this is totally a diet I can live with. I'm on my way! And as far as weighing myself, this isn't even the best week to do that, so I may be down a little more that I think. I started at 252 and as of today, I'm at 242. Amazing. I suspect I'll be in the 230's once the month is up. I'm so happy I could cry. In a good way!

So tomorrow is smack dab in the middel of June. Where the first half of the month went, I'll never know. Between baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, and graduations, and one special 15th birthday (Happy birthday little sister!) We're exhausted. The last half of the month is something for us to get excited about in a different way. Aaron gets to take his test to be a journeyman electrician on the 22nd. ALL prayers and good thoughts will be accepted. We need this to happen. Badly. I have faith that he will do well and pass. I only wish everyone would stop telling him HOW HARD IT IS. Seriously, Why do people do that? To psych you out, and make that person fail too because it will make you feel better about yourself? We don't need to know that you didn't pass the first time because it was the hardest thing you've done in your life thusfar. That doesn't help my husband who has the attention span of a flea* while he's one week away from taking the test. Idiots. I know Aaron will do fine and pass this test because he is a brilliant man and that's what brilliant men do. Pass electrical tests! And then go on to pass master electrical tests!

Once we included our cc debt into our home equity loan to pay one interest (tax deductible) instead of 34987648, I let out a little of the breath I was holding. Once Aaron passes his test, I'll let the rest of the breath out I've been holding since about 2 years ago. :)

Currently, my dad is at our house waiting for our crazy exterminator guy to kill any and all of the following: spiders, big nasty ants, and earwigs. Last year we waited too long and once when I went in to take a shower and pulled a towel down from the rod, an earwig fell out. That was the last straw. This year we got a jump on things. And guess what? We saw a few ants in the beginnig of spring and nothing in the last week. Figures. I'm not taking any chances though so the exterminator, he is a'comin.

Happy Tuesday!

*This is in NO way a criticism of my husband. Ask him about his attention span. He'll tell you the same thing. It's just one of the reasons I love him.

2005-06-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

In my mind, this is where I am today. Floating down the river...

I've been robbed.

2005-06-09T14:40:00.000-04:00

Holy Mother of !!

Do you know how much my little rendevous with the dietician cost me yesterday? Huh, do you?!

$85 dollars. (Thank you insurance for not picking up that little tab for me because I'm not a diabetic...YET!)

Actually it cost $88 dollars. $3 to park in the damn parking garage. The curb would have been just fine with me, but I thought a parking ticket would only add to the cost of my morning.

June? What June?

2005-06-07T10:22:00.000-04:00

We have every weekend in June booked solid. Solid!

This past weekend we had a wedding on Saturday and I attended a baby shower on Sunday. It was almost 90 degrees with something like 12340893487% humidity. We eventually all melted into tiny puddles, making it extremely hard to open the presents and do my job, which was to record how many onesies were recieved by the mom-to-be. I decided to be different, I gave onesies, with socks! And a cheerleading skirt!

It was wonderful, and of course the grandma-to-be made me cry by pulling me aside and telling me God will bless us with children when the time is right. But, anything would have made me cry that day so I told her my makeup was just running because of the heat. She didn't buy it.

Tomorrow is D-day for me, I go see the dietician in the morning and have her tell me to stop eating whole loaves of bread at a time.
No, it's not that bad. Although I did eat a dozen breadsticks for dinner once in high school.
And the next morning I was seriously ill.

Viva la low carb!

Picture Friday!!!! (Because I'm too lazy to write a post)

2005-06-03T09:15:00.000-04:00

This is Daisy's bed. No, we didn't choose it for her...

2005-06-03T08:47:00.000-04:00

One of Daisy's favorite things to do...watch tv.

2005-06-03T08:46:00.000-04:00

Daisy Duke.

2005-06-03T08:44:00.000-04:00

Opening day for our boat. Yeehaw!

2005-06-03T08:43:00.002-04:00

A red tree in a sea (or lake) of green. :)

2005-06-03T08:43:00.001-04:00

A view into the water. I love this shot.

2005-06-03T08:43:00.000-04:00

A scene from the Lake. The boat, she is now open for the season! :)

2005-06-03T08:42:00.000-04:00

A flag on Memorial Day at the park where we were engaged. The flags were displayed everywhere, it was beautiful.

2005-06-03T08:41:00.000-04:00

A perfect view as the sun set. Aaron wanted to catch just 1 stinkin fish, do you think that was possible? Nooo. The fish had a different agenda.

The road ahead

2005-06-01T08:19:00.000-04:00

For those of you that were interested, this will explain what PCOS is.

On the one hand, I feel better knowing my conerns were validated. But on the other, this was totally something I brought on myself (by stress-go figure), and now it may be too late to reverse the process. And actually, if there is a silver lining, it's that I am NOT insulin resistant yet, or glucose intolerant. Which in the article, explains that is very rare. Typically if you have PCOS, you are insulin resistant. So I have this disease in its most basic form I believe, I just need to make some life changes regarding this. The course of action for me, believe it or not, is to see a dietician and come up with a low-carb diet for myself. Having PCOS makes it extremely difficult to lose the weight, but the weight is having a factor in making me stay sick as well. As explained, it is a vicious cycle with loops, twists, and turns and I'm looking for a way to stop it. And I will.

Diagnosis

2005-05-31T15:21:00.000-04:00

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

I need some time to absorb this.

Recap

2005-05-31T08:42:00.000-04:00

Back to the daily grind.

My weekend at a glance: Dinner with family, drinks, sleeping in, working out, put-put, movie, dinners, friends, parties, sleeping in, kitties, boating, reading, sunburn!

I'm a little red tomato today. Even through heavily applied SPF30 sport. The sun is NOT my friend.

Anxiously awaiting my doctor's call today. I'll let you know as soon as I hear.

Taste really comes from smell

2005-05-26T16:22:00.000-04:00

I can't stop smelling popcorn! But I can't find who made it! (Which may be a good thing)

This is probably due to the fact that I didn't get a lunch today and am missing food like I haven't eaten in years. Instead, I thought it more fun to have a two hour glucose test and then go have an ultrasound, and then a transv@ginal one for good measure.

What? You don't spend your days this way?

What a ride!

2005-05-25T08:06:00.000-04:00

Woohoo life is throwing some turns at us right now.
Mostly health related things with family. I wish technology were so great as to cure all illness and disease.

What? A girl can dream right? And we're always making more strides in health so I don't actually think I'm far off.

Anyways, I also took a visit to a new obgyn since I didn't feel mine was being proactive enough with my health. Anytime I tried to approach the subject of something being amiss:

Me: "You know, I have all this pain, can't we check something out?"
Her: (Being very defensive) "What makes you think somethings wrong, I don't know why you think you can't have children. Your mom had 5, why do you think this way?"

Me: "Ummm, I'm sorry." (Just because my mother was fertile myrtle, doesn't mean my body is the same! - I scream this to myself)
Me: "Lemme just get my things, I'm SO sorry I took up your time.."

But I'm happy to report, my new doctor (a male- I was iffy at first) addressed ALL my concerns and tomorrow I'm scheduled for a blood test for thyroid and hormone levels, and then that afternoon I'll be having an ultrasound. And then I'll get another ultrasound, one that involves a microphone type thing and a light. Fun!

Anyways, the doctor tells me the ultrasound is because he thinks with my symptoms, that I may have endometriosis.

And I'm not upset, the only thing I could do was get a little teary-eyed because someone was finally addressing my concerns. If it turns out that I do have this condition, and my previous doctor put me off for a year, so help me, I can't be responsible for any screaming and yelling I do.

Happy Hump Day!

Well maybe you're.....no!

2005-05-23T11:12:00.000-04:00

Me: (to anyone and nobody in particular) "I don't feel so well today."

ANYBODY: "Well maybe you're pregnant!"

Since being married, how come anytime I don't feel well, it means I'm pregnant?
I'm trying to BECOME pregnant people, don't mess with my nerves like that!

But of course nobody understands that because they don't actually know we're trying. In this case, I should just learn to keep my tummy problems to myself I suppose.

After a very emotional week, specifically discovering my Mom's need for a biopsy to check for cancer, Aaron let me take a little bit of money to get some summer clothes (which he made me try on-I was shocked clothes were fitting better) and a pedicure.
It did wonders for my mood and today, new shirt on and cute, painted piggies, I feel like a new woman.

Happy Monday!

A young mind

2005-05-19T09:19:00.000-04:00

When I was really young, I would play library and lawyer in my room. Half the fun was setting everything up and I actually chronicled all my books and made signout cards for each one. The works.

But my FAVORITE game to play was office. I would write pretend notes that were extremely important for the boss, answer the pretend telephone and shuffle papers like I was so busy. (Some would argue I still do that last part.)

It's now extremely obvious to me that I used up much of my work years and enthusiasm during my childhood years.

Heck, the way I figure it, I should actually be able to retire in a few years.

But don't worry, my mind has matured some, I'm not so naive as to think there will actually be social security for me to collect. ;)

Timber

2005-05-17T08:35:00.000-04:00

I shouldn't have done it.
It had the potential to ruin my day right from the start.
It's not the best week to do it either, if you know what I mean.
But I did it anyways.

I stepped on the scale...
And was shocked.

3.5 pounds down. At least I hope that's true. I can lose that in a day and get it back the next. Another day of the same or better reading, and I'll really believe.

I have to tell you, it didn't stop me from dancing a little jig though.

2005-05-16T09:07:00.000-04:00

As I was cleaning out my closet for our garage sale in a few weeks, I found Daisy, sitting right in the middle of the clothes. She totally takes after her big sister.

2005-05-16T09:05:00.000-04:00

Here's the newest little one. My digital camera is down for the count right now, so I used the old film one and only a handful turned out because she DOESN'T.SIT.STILL.

The birds and the bees

2005-05-13T10:57:00.000-04:00

So, did everyone get sat down to have this talk by someone? Who was it?

I'm 22, married, and still waiting for it.

Happy Friday!!

::ADDED:: It's a rainy dreary day here, a perfect night to stay home and rent a movie. What's good out right now?

Just throwin it out there

2005-05-12T14:36:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else try not to drink so much during a certain week in their womanly lives?

Or is it just me?

Just checkin.

Interesting...

2005-05-11T10:47:00.000-04:00

Your Taste in Music:

Country: Highest Influence

90's Alternative: High Influence

90's R&B: High Influence

Classic Rock: High Influence

80's R&B: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Medium Influence

90's Rock: Medium Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Alternative Rock: Medium Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

Hip Hop: Medium Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Medium Influence

Progressive Rock: Medium Influence

R&B: Medium Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

90's Pop: Low Influence

Heavy Metal: Low Influence

Ska: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Seeing both sides

2005-05-10T09:57:00.000-04:00

The good: We were coaxed into getting another kitty whilst at the vet on Saturday.

The bad: Our camera decided to break that day and I don't have any pictures.

The ugly: Delia didn't take to the new little rat well and proceeded to hiss and keep her in the corner all day Saturday.

The happy: They are getting along fine now and the little one is running all over and jumping on Delia and playing her little heart out. Makes for a very happy Mommy and Daddy.

And we shall call her: Daisy.

My biggest thought for the day so far

2005-05-10T08:45:00.000-04:00

I have an itch on the side of my finger.

WHY can't I satisfy it?

Gotta get a grip

2005-05-05T15:46:00.000-04:00

I have to regroup. Way too much going on right now. Don't know if this blog is therapy or a chore at the moment. Jury's still out.
Life is smacking my family and I around right now and I just want to crawl under the covers and not come out until it's over. I don't always post the bad stuff, because who wants to hear about that, so I wait for the good. and wait, and wait. Don't get me wrong there is PLENTY to be thankful for in my life, it's just a sketchy time right now. I was honestly overwhelmed by all the concern for my health and the reasons behind my er trip. I'm trying to work on the things one by one that piled up and brought me there. I need to realize I can't take on the world and there are always going to be plenty of things I just can't change or control.

So, if anyone knows how to get a grip and would like to share the wealth of knowledge with me, I'm all ears.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Something I learned yesterday at 3am

2005-05-04T09:10:00.000-04:00

Emergency room nurses are not in any hurry to clear a bed, and do not care that you have to be up for work in 3 hours when you haven't gotten to sleep yet.

I gave myself and Aaron a big scare Monday night and had a nice trip to the ER. I'll be ok, I think I just need to be a better delegater with life.

And no, the ER is nothing like the t.v. show. I know, I was dissappointed too.

Happy Hump Day.

Youth

2005-04-28T15:21:00.000-04:00

The grass is always greener for me when it comes to my hair. Long hair has s@x appeal and short hair is flirty and fun. Therefore I always make my next hair/color appointment with the hopes that IT WILL CHANGE MY LIFE! I'LL FINALLY BE HAPPY!
I couldn't have written anything more untrue.

I just came back from Dazed's place and I saw what her hair was going to look like and thought, I wonder if I could pull that look off, or maybe I won't cut mine, and I'll just mimic the color. And then I started searching online for other colors and...
I just hung up from making my appointment.

When I was in high school, I would wake up every morning and put my hair in rollers. EVERY.MORNING. It didn't matter that I'm not a morning person and getting up that early meant running the risk that I would throw up, since I was typically nauseaus everyday. (Something about getting up without a certain amount of sleep makes me very sick, don't ask.)I made sure my hair was bouncy and curly before I stepped foot out of the house.

Now, I'll be lucky if I have the time to throw it in a polished ponytail. My hair, it's so neglected.

*~Dreamers Like Me~*

My Favorite One Year Old

Deja Vu

Oh boy, another bundle of joy!!!

Discount Rates

Houston, we have teeth!

The neverending cold

Siesta

WHERE WE'VE BEEN

The sad truth

Woah.

21 (One Month)

Learned

Sugar, Spice, and everything sleep deprived...

Here's the story, of a lovely lady...

Down to the nitty gritty

No Paternity Tests Needed

One good thing

Going to bed, but not because I'm tired

34 wks 2 days

Pet Peeve as of now

In order

The skinny

Weekend wrap-up

Where we're at.

Happy Anniversary

Blessed

It's the most wonderful time of the year

1/3 way there!

Milestone-12 wks

Family Tradition

The beginning of life

Not like I thought I would

Patterns

Seeing Red

Now I can finally...

Never Say Never

Up to date

In my life

The grieving process

Time Alone

Learning all over again.

Countdown

Sharing the love

Wednesday

Interviewing your replacement

What happens when you forget

Absent

Our birthday

The not so final product

How I'm easily annoyed

We've got flooring!

My weekend...In pictures!

Test

Weekend plans

Highlight of my day

Woah

Psychic

Getting it all out

Daily Grind

Vacation

And the countdown begins

Running a little late

For a moment

Everything I can muster up

On my mind

Keeping it real.

The value of time

Hindsight

Smack dab in the middle.

I've been robbed.

June? What June?

Picture Friday!!!! (Because I'm too lazy to write a post)

The road ahead

Diagnosis

Recap

Taste really comes from smell

What a ride!

Well maybe you're.....no!

A young mind

~Dreamers Like Me~